Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Separated at birth.

This particular type of thing has been done a million times on a million different websites, the difference is that other website are really bad at it. I mean, just becuase Victor Matfield has a beard, and Captain hook has a beard, that don't make them twins. You know who else has beard? Bob Seger, why not throw him in? Anyway, if you have any suggestions, please feel free to submit them, people have been submitting suggestions of where I can shove my blog since I started, so you may as well.


Firstly, Bakkies Botha and ....

Josh Homme from Queens of the Stone Age. See that's the kind of similarity I'm talking about.

Next Frans Steyn and....



Brendan Fehr.... from Roswell.... and CSI.... no? Actually, not knowing makes you slightly cooler than me, I'm not even kidding.

Actually now that I think about it....


Yeah, that looks about right.

Posted by CounterRuck @ 3:39 AM :: (1) comments

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The Kids are alright


History has proven to us that genius manifests at a young age. Even as infants there are signs that point to the future brilliance of those blessed with extraordinary talent. Amadeus created his first composition at the age of 5, Picasso became a legend at 13, and 15 years ago I scribbled my first inappropriate joke as part of a homework assignment, and look at us now.


Pierre Spies, Ruaan Pienaar and Francois Steyn, are the most exciting players in world rugby today, and they're all younger than 23. Pierre Spies is an incredibly strong and fast runner, in fact he's the second fastest Springbok currently, behind only Brian Habana, yet he's big and strong enough to anchor a scrum. He is the LaDainian Tomlinson of rugby. And he's ours.


Ruan Pienaar, is unfortunately labeled a utility back. Yet his game at scrumhalf was incredible. His service from the base of the scrum is fast and accurate. he has a kicking game that rivals any halfback (Or flyhalf for that matter) in the world. Also he inherited the hip swivel sidestep from his dad, that is impossible to predict. And he's ours.


Francois Steyn is the very definition of the word prodigy. He may take the wrong option from time to time, but he always trusts his insticts, and more often than not that is what wins games. Case in point this weekend. if the Springboks had cheerleaders, they would all be in hospital with swoon related injuries after those kicks. And he's ours


No other team in the world has this kind of new talent. Sure there are the Larkhams and Carters of the world, but we've been watching them for years. They have nothing new to offer. We've seen them at their best and their worst, and the verdict is an apathetic ...meh. I can just imagine the collective feeling of tragic nostalgia all over New Zealand when they saw Steyn kicking those goals. They got fucked by Gerald Bosch in the 70's Naas in the 80's and by Joel in the 90's, all who sunk kiwi teams with drop goals. One more world cup lost in such a fashion and they'll change the law to get rid of drop goals, watch.


Assuming they don't get cornholed by bureaucracy and political involvement, they may very well be hall of famers in the making.

Posted by CounterRuck @ 2:32 AM :: (0) comments

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

...aaand the oscar goes to....

This is my favourite movie of all time. Goodfellas..... the Godfather. Hah amatuers. Show me a bearded madman knocking off All Blacks left and right, and I'll bring the popcorn.

Posted by CounterRuck @ 11:08 PM :: (0) comments

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Oh No He Di 'int!!


What follows is a conversation heard in the office of Mike Stofile.


Giles!! get your college boy ass in here!!

Yes mister Stofile?

Giles, what's this shit I hear Jake White's going to go see the president? That motherfucker. I know he's going over there to bitch about me. does he know what happens to snitches in SARFU? Giles, take that spoon there and fashion a knife out of it.

Right away sir...

Actually wait. We can do this some other way. I'ma go over to Thabo's office myself and cock block that craker. Yeah and then....

Um...

You got something to say, sweater vest?

Well it's just sir.. you are no longer allowed within 50 feet of mister Thabo Mbeki.

What Kind of Bullshit is that? When did this happen?

Remember the time you showed up unannounced at his office during his big meeting with the German chancellor?

Yeah, I briefly ran into him while entertaining a few business acquaintances.

Sir... you showed up drunk with five hookers. You spilled Krystal all over the German chancellor, and offered him the..ahem services of your friends.

Hey, first of all homeboy, I didn't spill shit okay? I was sharing. And secondly that kraut motherfucker was loving the attention of my beautiful black honeys. That bitch was about 3 seconds away from having a chocolate covered bratwurst. I don't see no crime, why all the fuss?

Sir you tried to sell the president of South Africa cannabis.

You know how hard it is to find good weed in Sandton? I was doing the brother a favour. and you know my prices can't be beat.

All the same sir, the president would like to keep his distance until this blows over.

Whatever. But what am I going to do about this honkey trying to fuck me over? I know what he's thinking, he's gonna be all like whaaaa transformations, merit selections. boo fucking hoo. And you know that sneaky motherfucker is going to compare Thabo to Nelson Mandela with the world cup in '95. Nothing makes that brother cream like Mandela comparisons. An next thing you know I'll have to start laying off him and not wedgie him in the hallways. Well fuck that. Giles go slash Jake's tyres.

Sir Jake is in Cape Town.

Then go slash Thabo's

You want me to slash the tyres of the president of South Africa? Sir I know I said I'd do any.....

I don't hear any slashing bitch?!?!?!

Sigh.....yes sir.

Posted by CounterRuck @ 3:09 AM :: (0) comments

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Jake "White" La Motta


In a story that would rival even this blog in speculative, sensationalist and most importantly grossly inaccurate journalism, there are reports that Jake white was involved in a punch up. Sounds like quite a story, until you get to the actual facts. It is such a non event that I can't help but think that it's inception was only to further discredit Jake. I found the story on IOL, and I would paste the gist of it for you here, but unfortunately it is so badly written that the only way to include the facts is to grab the whole thing. Just read it here. It takes the shape of an email written whilst hungover. The only thing missing is the opening line: "Dude, you'll never guess what happened last night."


Basically the story goes that a journalist for "Die Son" was beat up in a bathroom stall of popular (read totally overrated) night club, News Cafe. Now "Die Son", for those who don't know, is a translation, and complete rip off of "the Sun." and having read a few copies myself I can tell you that you'll learn more from the back of a cereal box than this shit rag. Anyhoo, earlier the night Jake was in the bar, and during the course of the night got into a verbal altercation with said journo regarding yet another completely baseless and sensationalist article. The article had something to do with Luke Watson being kicked out of the Sharks for fucking another players wife. Editors note, That'd be pretty awesome if it was true. Later Jake again had words with the man, and left. The next day Jake hears from a friend of a friend that the guy got his ass kicked in the shitter, and now somehow it's his fault. Tell you what, I'm glad the dude didn't get hijacked or Jake would've been proper fucked.


Despite the incoherent rambling of the original article, the guy makes a good point at how this is very similar to the situation created to force Mallett out of the top job, and this may be a propaganda war against Jake. The man is a fucking saint at consummate professionalism for being able to do his job in this three ring circus. I have trouble focusing on my job when we run out of coffee, yet this man consistently performs in the middle of all of this. And what kind of fucking press agent allows this shit to go on. Vusi, you understand your job is to protect Jake and the Springbok management from these kinds of embarrassments right? I mean yes, going to the games for free is fun, and drinking the free booze is a nice perk, but you do actually have a job to do. They should just fire you and get Ari Gold, the greatest publicist in the world, at least he has his clients best interest in mind. For example, on trying to get his client's brother a job.


"You all have one goal today - to get Vincent Chase's brother, Johnny Chase a job - ANY job. I don't care if it's a porn shoot where he is being gang raped by a gaggle of silverback apes, if there are cameras rolling, everyone wins" ....Such talent.


Also I do believe I reported on this story before the nazis over at Keo did. Who's the beaatch now?!?!
P.S. I fully realise that my misleading title and image make the exact same mistake as all involved. There is one great difference though, I have made it very clear that my publication thrives on heresy and sensation, without it I have nothing. Also I heard that Bolla Conradie loves a little light spanking. You heard it here first.

Posted by CounterRuck @ 4:11 AM :: (0) comments