Friday, November 2, 2007

The Stofile Saga continues


Another conversation overheard in the office of Mike Stofile


What's crackin' whiteboy. Hey can you hold my calls man, I've had a loooong fuckin flight, first class may be comfortable, but hangovers most definitely 'aint


Sir, where have you been? we have been trying to get a hold of you for some time now


Wha'choo mean where I been? I been pimpin' it in Paris dawg, I even called your ass from the police station there 3 weeks ago. Fuckin cops man, you'd think they got better shit to do that chase my ministerial black ass through the park at night, and for the record, since when is 4 kilo's possession with intent? lightweights.


Sir there have been significant developments since then with the, uh.. Coach White situation.


Oh calm down Grandma, we gots that shit covered. We got half the IRB on the take, last I heard we had his favourite little crackers taken down by the Law. Where is he? is he crying? Hehe. He is, isn't he? Get my camera, I'ma put that shit on youtube.


Um... sir I don't know how to tell you this... the, uh... The Springboks won the World cup.


........... WHAT THE FUCK??? Ooooh.. haha...... yeah, oh fuck man you had me, Whooowee! Where's the camera? yo Cameraman! I got punked HAHA, I got punked good. Yo, Ashton! Ashton! Where you at man, you got me dawg, you emo bastard HAHA. man thats good. When Is this going on MTV?


um............


Yo, where Ashton man?......................... This better be a fuckin' joke man.


I'm afraid not sir. Have you been unable to read the newspaper? I mean you were in Paris after all?


No I did not read the fuckin' newspaper, I did not take in a relaxing morning with the paper and a chai Latte'. I was up to my elbows in pussy! Oh man this is fucked up. Wait, maybe Thabo aint heard yet, we can fix this shi.... What? what now?


Sir, President Mbeki has been celebrating with Jake White for a few days now. They're probably on their Parade through the streets of Soweto by now.


Parade? S...Soweto? WHITE?...... My Brother, Listen closely. I want you to call sistah Manto. I want you to call her up, tell her to get here as fast as she can, and to leave her fuckin' potatoes and shit at home, I need some medical attention. I think I know what's going on here. I knew it, I fuckin knew it man. I was walkin' around France and this bohemian atrist brother came up and sold me some weed. I thought it was good! you know, I didn't feel nothing bad going on. but since then I've been hearing some strange shit. You have no idea, even now! while you were talking, my head was twisting it around into some fucked up fairy tale about White winning the world cup, and 30 whiteboys in parades in Soweto... yeah I know, it's fucked. I am unwell my brother, act fast.


Sir, unfortunately this is not an ...um.. narcotic effect. This really happened.


Giles, I told you earlier this year we should take their motherfucking passports. Did I not say that? In fact my words were: Giles, we should take their motherfucking passports. And you were all like: nooooo human right violation.......sanctions. Well here you have it milkylane. Look at the fucking shit we're in now. Let me guess the public fucking love him now don't they? ugh... How'm I gonna get rid of him now?


Maybe he's the right.....


I've heard enough outta you casper, one more fuckin word and I'ma shove this stapler up your ass. Here's what we're gonna do. You remember that video we made of all the members of the presidents council getting their freak on at my house? That night I got all the ho's out and the drugs, and Ludacris was there?


oh sir I'm not sure.....


Oh you're sure alright, You're going to mail copies to each and every one of those perverted motherfuckers with a note that says: White goes, or the news knows, about the hoes.


So you're going to get the IRB Coach of the year fired after winning the World Cup, by using extortion?


You better believe it homes. and while we're at it, get Charlie Murphy on the line, tell him I got a job in mind for him.


whatever you say sir.

Posted by CounterRuck @ 5:10 AM