Sunday, July 15, 2007

I've got my propoganda, I've got revisionism.




They say history is written by the victor. That unfortunately is true (except if you're an All Black supporter, then every loss has an explanatory addendum, Suzy, gold watch ect.) Regardless of the extenuating circumstances and planned setbacks, the history books will show that the Springboks lost this Tri Nations competition, and then some. The score won't tell the story of a brave bunch of underdogs sent on a suicide mission. The score won't explain how under the inspirational leadership of Bobby Skinstad, 22 rag tag mercenaries went to Sydney and got the better of the strongest possible Australian team, only to let their enthusiasm get the better of them. And it certainly wont show how after that heartbreaking loss, and the loss of said leader, they had to regroup under a new captain, and once more, against all odds kept the number one team in the world at bay for the most part. This had all the makings of true underdog story, the only thing missing was the um.... actual victory, and the power ballad as the credits rolled by. Alas it was not to be.



Stil, there's hope for eventual glory. The latest trend in Hollywood sports films is that the underdog doesn't so much win, but gives it a good go and wins the moral victory. Rocky didn't win in Rocky 5, but he proved that you never underestimate the guy after whom the movie is named. In Invincible, Mark Wahlberg didn't come up from the gutters to win the Superbowl, that would be silly. He did score a memorable touchdown though, and forced the credits (and power ballad) before the game was even over. How moral victory is that!? and in 300 everybody died, they got spectacularly cornholed.



I've already handed in the first draft of my screenplay to Miramax, It starts with how all the first choice players are trapped in an elevator (I can't really tell the truth on this one, no audience would buy it.) So the coach goes out and finds the gifted number 8 haunted by past glory, on his farm trying to forget a past that saw him exiled from sport, and talks him into leading his troops one last time. I'm thinking Bob Skinstad played by Thomas Jane (who fucking rocked in the Punisher. if you didn't like it...you may very well be gay). There will be a musical montage of them going out and finding the other players, some old, some new, but all find themselves in interesting situations. Maybe one is running from a house with his trousers in his hands chased by the father of girl he just boned. (I'm gonna guess Wynand Olivier, played by Owen Wilson) One is a hard assed cop who uses his rugby skills to tackle a criminal (sorry, SUSPECT ) and then makes a funny one liner (Bismark Du plessis as done by Jeremy Piven. because he's funny and all teams have a funny guy). First none of them will get along, then after the a big bar brawl with the other team, they'll all be in jail and laugh about it, and be inseparable. In the second to last game their inspirational captain will get injured in a spectacular injury (probably unfairly inflicted by the jailbirds.) In a heartfelt speech he will make them realise that they don't need him to be great, the greatness was inside them all along, and then he will hand over his captains band (or whatever) to the young captain who was once his rival (Johan Muller \ Josh Hartnett), and they run out onto the field to face the orcs of mordor. The rest will be a spectacular game with slo-mo cuts and a pumping soundtrack (Thunderstruck has been done to death in sports films, so maybe some QTSA) My movie will end before the three try blitz (of course) but it will be a glorious panning shot of the of the guys facing off to their enemies. and fade to black, queue the power ballad. I'll even get the trailer voice over guy to do the trailer ( In a world....... where only the best succeed....... they......... will learn......... to be better.........than the best) or even cheesier than that.



I think the world is ready for this. The truth is that Hollywood has a raging boner for South African set films (Catch a fire, Blood Diamond, the Gods must be crazy). And no SA film will be complete without....... Arnold Vosloo, he can be Jake White. Cut and Print, I'll be in my trailer.
P.s My apologies for the long delay between posts, I got a little distracted. Turns out there are pictures of naked women on the internet !!! who knew.

Posted by CounterRuck @ 10:55 PM

Read or Post a Comment

Geez, the comments are overflowing on this blog. Does anyone else out there realise there is a thing called the Rugby World Cup on at the moment (only the third biggest sport competition in the world). The last post here is from July. I realise the Boks/Samoa game wasn't really worth commenting on but what about NZ/Italy? or England/USA even? Mr editor...?

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous @ September 10, 2007 at 3:24 PM #
 
<< Home