Monday, April 9, 2007
Road to the playoffs
Being at the business end of the season you can start to see certain mentalities form within the teams. Teams with a shot at the play offs tend to play a considered and calculated game, whereas teams that don't have a chance tend to do two things, suck and fight. The Reds must've known where they'd end up because they've been doing both since the start of the season. The Sharks put on a sublime display in putting them away. They fucked them so bad the Eddie Jones thought Dick Muir was pimp and tried to pay him. But I'm not going to make too big a deal out of this, I'll reserve judgment on the Sharks until after the game against the Blues, where I will be present and potentially attract a LOT of abuse. Or hurl abuse, depending on a myriad of factors mostly how much I drink.
So the Crusaders, the perennial glory boys, those kids in school that have all the luck. The rich, good looking, athletic ones with good teeth and no know erections problems. The ones you wish would just shit their pants in public, just once, you know, to even out the playing field a little. Well, they're obviously going to the playoffs, not only that, they're going to make all the other teams look bad in the process. Speaking off, the Force are probably feeling a little vulnerable right now. This is the first time they've even come close to the top six let alone a shot at the semi's, and up until Friday they were probably thinking, "It's not that hard, I don't know why all those other pussy's are complaining." aaaaand then they got dicked 45 nil. Welcome to the real world boys.
The Bulls are now in mathematical territory, expect them all to invoke chaos theory and explosive mathematics to come up with a hundred different scenarios on how they can make the semi's. I'm not saying they wont make it, but I guarantee it wont be easy. and with teams like the Blues, Crusaders and Sharks all shooting for gaps, it will come down to numbers, and if you've ever met anyone from Pretoria, you'll know that if they could choose between numbers and fire breathing dragons, they'd strap some fireproof hats on.
The Lions are just happy not to be at the bottom. They've already achieved 120% more than they had hoped for, or anyone else for that matter, so expect them to show up drunk to the remainder of the games. That's what I'd do. The Chiefs, Hurricanes, Highlanders and Cheetahs have a very vague chance at the semi's but I think we all know they're going to end up at a bar, watching the final, saying "coulda been, shoulda been...." Yeah, yeah tell it to pint glass grandpa.
The Reds, Stormers and Warratahs know they're not going anywhere, so they're just going along for the ride. They're going to be booking into expensive hotels, have some light training followed by some sightseeing and shopping. Expect great big minibar bills and one or two happy strip clubs (ten bucks says Bolla Conradie makes it rain, he seems like the type). Good times.
The Blues are not looking too bad, I still don't think they're invincible though. They're what you would call a feel good side. if they feel like it, they can be brilliant, but if you can disrupt them early, they crumble like cheap crack. I take the example of the 2003 blues who, with Carlos Spenser (or king Carlos as the nancy's from Auckland called him) were about as unbeatable as they've ever been, throwing the ball around with gay abandon against an unimpressive Stormers side, and doing pretty well too i might add. Until, that is, King Carlos got tackled by Andries Bekker, so hard he could see into the future (a future filled with mediocrity in the Heineken cup). The game swung instantly, with the Stormers scoring 5 tries in 20 minutes. Strange but true.
Sooooo, unless the Sharks completely screw themselves over the weekend, I think that, by the smallest of margins, they may have one hand on the trophy. I base this on not so much actual statistics, knowledge of the teams or common sense of any sort., but mainly on the premise that if the Crusaders win another Super 14 title, it will officially become the most bullshit competition in the world. Second only to the North West Canterbury Logging competition, which for those who care, has been won by Hamish Jeffersonson jr. for the last 40 years. give it a rest Hamish, Fuck!
So the Crusaders, the perennial glory boys, those kids in school that have all the luck. The rich, good looking, athletic ones with good teeth and no know erections problems. The ones you wish would just shit their pants in public, just once, you know, to even out the playing field a little. Well, they're obviously going to the playoffs, not only that, they're going to make all the other teams look bad in the process. Speaking off, the Force are probably feeling a little vulnerable right now. This is the first time they've even come close to the top six let alone a shot at the semi's, and up until Friday they were probably thinking, "It's not that hard, I don't know why all those other pussy's are complaining." aaaaand then they got dicked 45 nil. Welcome to the real world boys.
The Bulls are now in mathematical territory, expect them all to invoke chaos theory and explosive mathematics to come up with a hundred different scenarios on how they can make the semi's. I'm not saying they wont make it, but I guarantee it wont be easy. and with teams like the Blues, Crusaders and Sharks all shooting for gaps, it will come down to numbers, and if you've ever met anyone from Pretoria, you'll know that if they could choose between numbers and fire breathing dragons, they'd strap some fireproof hats on.
The Lions are just happy not to be at the bottom. They've already achieved 120% more than they had hoped for, or anyone else for that matter, so expect them to show up drunk to the remainder of the games. That's what I'd do. The Chiefs, Hurricanes, Highlanders and Cheetahs have a very vague chance at the semi's but I think we all know they're going to end up at a bar, watching the final, saying "coulda been, shoulda been...." Yeah, yeah tell it to pint glass grandpa.
The Reds, Stormers and Warratahs know they're not going anywhere, so they're just going along for the ride. They're going to be booking into expensive hotels, have some light training followed by some sightseeing and shopping. Expect great big minibar bills and one or two happy strip clubs (ten bucks says Bolla Conradie makes it rain, he seems like the type). Good times.
The Blues are not looking too bad, I still don't think they're invincible though. They're what you would call a feel good side. if they feel like it, they can be brilliant, but if you can disrupt them early, they crumble like cheap crack. I take the example of the 2003 blues who, with Carlos Spenser (or king Carlos as the nancy's from Auckland called him) were about as unbeatable as they've ever been, throwing the ball around with gay abandon against an unimpressive Stormers side, and doing pretty well too i might add. Until, that is, King Carlos got tackled by Andries Bekker, so hard he could see into the future (a future filled with mediocrity in the Heineken cup). The game swung instantly, with the Stormers scoring 5 tries in 20 minutes. Strange but true.
Sooooo, unless the Sharks completely screw themselves over the weekend, I think that, by the smallest of margins, they may have one hand on the trophy. I base this on not so much actual statistics, knowledge of the teams or common sense of any sort., but mainly on the premise that if the Crusaders win another Super 14 title, it will officially become the most bullshit competition in the world. Second only to the North West Canterbury Logging competition, which for those who care, has been won by Hamish Jeffersonson jr. for the last 40 years. give it a rest Hamish, Fuck!
Read or Post a Comment
<< Home