Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Share it fairly but dont take a slice of my pie.
What the the hell is Lote Tuqiri going to do with 6 million dollars? First he's going to call up Wendell Sailor and go on the worlds biggest coke and hooker binge. Then he's going to go home and Wonder exactly what he did to deserve this obscene amount of money. He played shit, assaulted one of his team mates on the field, and got 6 mil, Shit! by that logic Corne Krige should be a billionaire by now.
I think I know exactly what happened. The ARU were embarrased at losing Matt Rogers to league, and when Tuiqiri advised them of his own intentions to bolt, they said "Fuck that! I'll be damned if we lose another Wallaby to those glorified touch rugby players. They promised him a million? We'll make it 6 million. And throw in a few t-shirts as well, just to sweeten the deal." All the while Tuqiri is sitting at home watching the progress on the news, masturbating furiously to the idea of getting paid over a million dollars a year for 80 minutes of work a week. I feel sick.
But as they said in the Bible, the ARU giveth, and the ARU taketh away. Days after handing Tuqiri total financial freedom, they gave Clyde Rathbone and Mark Gerrard a nice big "fuck you" in the form of a paycut, presumably to even out the chequebook. It's almost poetic that they did it so soon, and even kept it in the winger department. "Okay boys we got 7 million to spend on wingers, so we've just given Tuqiri 6 of that. The rest we'll divide up evenly." And don't even try to tell me Tuqiri is worth that much more than Rathbone, they're wingers for fuck sake, if they see the ball 4 times in a game they've been busy.
What they could've done with the money.
5. Bribed every team in the world cup. and take it for an unprecedented 3rd time.
4. invested in teleportation research to help combat jetlag in while playing in SA.
3. Bought Loftus (home field advantage for ever.)
2. Bought lunch for Matt Dunning.
1. Pay a team of scientists to regenerate Nick Farr Jones, Michael Lynagh, John Eales and Tim Horan back to their youthful best.
I can just imagine Lote walking into his changing room,
"Hey guys, what's happening?"
-Silent Angry Stares-
"Nice day out there huh? good day for training"
"What's going on?.... hey!...... let go of me!......... heelp!"
-Lote gets violently sodomised by the entire Wallaby team (Which is not that painful, until it's Georgie Gregan's turn.)-
6 Million dollars is not as much fun when you can't control you bowel movements, or sit down.
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