Monday, March 26, 2007
prove my hypothesis
I had a bad feeling this was going to happen. In fact I got my bad feeling right after I clicked publish on the last post. I dismissed the Brumbies out of hand and worried instead about the Blues or Force. You know what they call that? COCS, (Compulsive Optimistic Crusader Syndrome).
COCS is a Psychiatric disorder that affects many of us, and is the primary killer amongst males aged 16 - 70 in the South Island. It's a slow starting disorder, but symptoms are often visible in the first few weeks. Early signs include lack of sickening feeling after kick off, disproportionate criticism to opposing team as opposed to the usual 100% hatred towards your own team, and the ability to go get a beer at a leisurely pace without fearing the end of the world happening in the few seconds you're gone. It was the general belief in the 14th and 15th centuries that those who experienced overwhelming optimism towards their sporting teams were possessed by the devil. It was only in 2002 during the Super12 season when the Crusaders were comprehensively beaten by the Stormers (also attributed to being the work of the devil) that people connected the blind optimism of the Crusaders fans to some sort of mental illness, Hence the name. COCS however is by no means only for Crusaders Fans. COCS has claimed many lives, All Blacks fans have succumbed many times, in the mid 90's there was a major COCS problem for Man Utd. fans, and Yankees fans by and large are pretty much born with it. COCS is especially fatal when allowed to grow to unsafe proportions, displaying such concerning symptoms as, not entertaining the notion of losing, not seeing ones own teams faults and getting a tattoo of the team logo. With COCS, as with many mental illnesses, there's a feeling of invincibility and supreme highs, followed by depression and suicidal tendencies, usually the result of a winning streak coming to an end. No cure currently exists for COCS. Due to the nature of the disorder, patients feel cured after a painful come down, but this is merely masking the true emotion of desperate hope. Patients will try to tell you that, they don''t care anymore, or that they don't like this sport anymore. or a particular favourite among the severely affect (kiwis) " We didn't lose because 'insert favourite excuse here' caused this." When really their COCS is simply dormant until awoken by the next, slightest hint of victory. There is hope for sufferers though. Through countless hours of trial and error, Scientists have devised a treatment plan for the severely affected. While no cure exists, every effort is made to preserver the patients quality of life. For most sufferers a course of heinekinetine ( common name Beer) is more than sufficient, but in some severe cases large ammounts of Scothchamine or Mexicanshitoplax (Whiskey and Teuila respectively) have been known to help. Further studies in the causes and cures (especially the latter) are being conducted as we speak, and vast amounts of money is being donated to this cause. There is hope.
In case you were wonder yeah the Sharks put a nice little end to their winning streak. Since I am at an eb in my fandom I'm going to go out on a limb and predict that they lose every remaining match and get rocket out of the this years super 14 faster than the Breyton Paulse can sidestep the taxman.
COCS is a Psychiatric disorder that affects many of us, and is the primary killer amongst males aged 16 - 70 in the South Island. It's a slow starting disorder, but symptoms are often visible in the first few weeks. Early signs include lack of sickening feeling after kick off, disproportionate criticism to opposing team as opposed to the usual 100% hatred towards your own team, and the ability to go get a beer at a leisurely pace without fearing the end of the world happening in the few seconds you're gone. It was the general belief in the 14th and 15th centuries that those who experienced overwhelming optimism towards their sporting teams were possessed by the devil. It was only in 2002 during the Super12 season when the Crusaders were comprehensively beaten by the Stormers (also attributed to being the work of the devil) that people connected the blind optimism of the Crusaders fans to some sort of mental illness, Hence the name. COCS however is by no means only for Crusaders Fans. COCS has claimed many lives, All Blacks fans have succumbed many times, in the mid 90's there was a major COCS problem for Man Utd. fans, and Yankees fans by and large are pretty much born with it. COCS is especially fatal when allowed to grow to unsafe proportions, displaying such concerning symptoms as, not entertaining the notion of losing, not seeing ones own teams faults and getting a tattoo of the team logo. With COCS, as with many mental illnesses, there's a feeling of invincibility and supreme highs, followed by depression and suicidal tendencies, usually the result of a winning streak coming to an end. No cure currently exists for COCS. Due to the nature of the disorder, patients feel cured after a painful come down, but this is merely masking the true emotion of desperate hope. Patients will try to tell you that, they don''t care anymore, or that they don't like this sport anymore. or a particular favourite among the severely affect (kiwis) " We didn't lose because 'insert favourite excuse here' caused this." When really their COCS is simply dormant until awoken by the next, slightest hint of victory. There is hope for sufferers though. Through countless hours of trial and error, Scientists have devised a treatment plan for the severely affected. While no cure exists, every effort is made to preserver the patients quality of life. For most sufferers a course of heinekinetine ( common name Beer) is more than sufficient, but in some severe cases large ammounts of Scothchamine or Mexicanshitoplax (Whiskey and Teuila respectively) have been known to help. Further studies in the causes and cures (especially the latter) are being conducted as we speak, and vast amounts of money is being donated to this cause. There is hope.
In case you were wonder yeah the Sharks put a nice little end to their winning streak. Since I am at an eb in my fandom I'm going to go out on a limb and predict that they lose every remaining match and get rocket out of the this years super 14 faster than the Breyton Paulse can sidestep the taxman.
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Well that's 5 minutes of my life I'll never get back.
CRAP, CRAP, CRAP! I've never read a more boring truck-load of drivel in my life. My 3 year old niece writes better material in birthday cards using a crayon.
I'll tell you what the ARU should've done with that $6m. Posted it to CounterRuck in exchange for the editor to shut the hell up so we can curb his verbal diarrhea and stop the pain that is this. There should be a health warning on this blog because I swear reading it reduces your IQ.